I was afraid to admit it for a long time, but I know it now.

So I’ve held on to all my options, fearing that the moment I wipe them away, you will be standing there with your arms closed, happy to be my friend but unable to be my equal, my queen, my wife.Īnd for you to be my wife is all I want in the world. I keep thinking that it’s there, waiting to come back and strike me. No scolding from a tutor, no lashing from my father, no isolation in my youth has ever hurt me so much as you separating yourself from me. I’m afraid that I will make a mistake again, something so huge that you retreat into that silent world of yours. I’m afraid that somewhere in the back of your heart is a love for someone else that will never die. I’m afraid that if I show you everything at once, it will overwhelm you, and you’ll run away.

I’ve held back so much from you out of fear. But, in truth, it’s so much more than that. The simple thing would be to say that I love you.

I’ve never written a love letter, so forgive me if I fail now.

My maxon